Saturday, and bored!!?!

I have, at the mo', 9 bottles of Snapple Iced Teas sitting on my dining table.

The buzz-whir of the cabinet-maker's power drill makes it hard for me to concentrate on my story book. 2pm is an hour and fifteen minutes away, and then I have to send my mom for her appointment with the hairdresser. It's a tad hard to concentrate on the game I want to dig into with that little time to focus on it.

SpousieDude arrived safely in Abu Dhabi last night, and I was awake until 3am exchanging smusses with him.

At the mo', he's probably sitting in some conference room in a generic hotel, being bored out of his gourd attending the seminar/course his company sent him on. Me, I cancelled my 2pm lesson because of the renovation work going on in the house.

Truth to tell, it's provided me with a good excuse to laze :p

I'm feeling the year wind down again. Every year at this time, I'm usually either feeling maudlin, or pensive. It's a clear reflection on my feelings towards the year that's just passed, I know. I mean, most people look ahead. But every year, I look behind. So many mistakes, so many experiences. And I guess it's just a natural part of me to dwell on things that have affected me, whether directly, or indirectly.

My All-The-Reasons-To-Feel-Fucked-Up List

-I'm a mess.
-I've put on 2kg since Eid al'Fitr.
-I've stopped going to the gym.
-I take the lift up the two floors from the parking lot to my office every morning.
-I've been eating a lot.
-I'm feeling extremely lazy.
-I've got a bad case of acne.
-I've been scratching at it, to boot :p Not very pretty, those scars ;)
-I've yet to start practicing my piano.
-I just cashed in my cheque for November, and I already know what I'm going to spend it on.
-November's cheque might be the only payment I'll be getting for the rest of the year.
-SpousieDude doesn't know if he'll even be able to make it back home by Christmas.


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On the other hand, here's my Reasons-To-Feel-Chipper list.

-While it's been a chaotic year, at least I saved my marriage.
-I'm still employed!!!
-I've already bought my X'mas gifts.
-I'll be getting away from town for a weekend.
-SpousieDude may make it back for Christmas.
-I've got 4 REALLY CUTE kittens, and so fat they're about bursting out of their furry little skins.
-I can see my floor (yes, I tidied up my mess a bit).
-The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
-Good friends, Teapot Cafe, and scones.
-I had a Crambo Club Special from O'Brien's last night!!! (yes, feed ma' cravings!!!!)
-I know where to find Adobo!!!
-Shopping!
-New iPod (for SD, but I get to play with it first)
-Snapple!!!
-Sex!!

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Haha, okay, that last one isn't that important. But it's still fun!!! I actually had to wrack my brains thinking of enough stuff to fill my chipper list so it'd be longer than the downer one. But ya know, looking at it, YES. I've got lots to be chipper about. And I'm going to be able to find more interesting candy south of the Border to fill my gifts. So yeah. Joy to the world and all that.

I can't stand it. I wanna play the Sims (2). Guess mom'll have to find her own way to the hairdresser *cackle*....

Maudlin. Rocks A-Head.

Wow, the year's winding down, the old is on its way out. The new... well, lets say the new is waiting at the doorway, and it's up to me to usher it in.

Such a polite person, this New.

Anyways. I'm taking a breather. Heck! It may even be a permanent air-pocket in the stuffy area that is my life. The old year has seen a lot of students going on break. The new year may not see them again, depending on time. Theirs and mine. Also on whether I've been doing a satisfactory job so far.

Faugh. What a thing to worry my fat head over. It'll happen when it happens. At least SpousieDude is now earning enough that we're comfortable even if I never worked another day in my life. NOT that I plan on leeching. Nah, what do you take me for? I'm lazy! Not useless!!! :p

Anyway, musically, 2005 has been...a revelation. But I'm not that bright, so I'm easily impressed :) I've learned that there's still a LONG way for me to go. So many gaps in my education. And yes, I realize I'm the one who put those gaps there.

Also, I'm very much aware now just how common I am. In the sea of musicians, I am but a minnow. Are minnows salt water fish? Cuz if they're not, then I am an ikan bilis. What's that in Common again? ;)

I do believe I'm rambling.

Here's a thought. I'm getting older. And I'm feeling the changes that ageing brings. And I'm not talking about the physical problems, although those are starting to make themselves felt. The hours I keep. My energy levels. My enthusiasm for anything new.

I'm a stodgy old fart, and that fact is hitting me hard!!!

I guess having too much time to ponder my life is making me maudlin. I mean, I'm 28. And next year I'll be 29. And then I'll be 30. And I'm still living with my parents (although it's great, cuz SpousieDude isn't around). My kid's going to Primary School once the school year re-opens. I hardly see my husband, and now I hardly hear from him as well.

And of course, the rainy season is here. I love it. Honest. But it's wet, and just a little dreary.

I'm looking forward to Christmas. I'm looking forward to SD coming home. I'm looking forward to singing in Singapore with the WP. I'm looking forward to the performance at KLPAC with the Phil. I'm looking forward (but not all that much, cuz I hate my piano playing skills) to the gigs with WM.

And I'm looking forward to the brief lull the office is going to have, before we swing full-time into the Cammies.

I'm going to bed. God knows, I'm so darned tired.

Right Versus Might?

Okay, here goes.

I went to the bank today to pay my car loan. It's the very first installment, and I was understandably confused on the payment procedure.

I walked to the main counter, because there was no attendant at the information table, and hey. I was the only customer. So I approach this pleasant looking lady, who clarifies that I need to fill up certain forms, and take a number. So I do that, and then she directs me to the information table, where we sort out my payment details.

About 2 minutes in, other customers, equally uncertain of what they want to do, walk in and loiter around, trying to figure out what to do next.

I'm done with my payment details, and I have my number. I ask the nice lady if I need to take another number, but she tells me I don't have to, I just have to walk up to the next available counter.

I stand around, waiting for a bank clerk to open a counter. Understand this, this bank is practically deserted, and only 1 counter out of 10 was open when I got in. After I was attended to by the one clerk who bothered to give me the time of day, the counters were basically closed until someone else decided to be industrious.

Finally, realising the bank was filling up with customers, one of the clerks stops her extended coffee break to serve us. So, having been the first customer there anyway, I walk straight to the counter, produce my number and a smile, and hand the lady my forms.

An indian gent, who was sitting down, immediately got up, and forcibly shoved his own bank-in forms at the clerk, and started firing questions at her.

I couldn't believe his gall! At that point though, I was just too tired to cause a scene, and I admit. I wasn't too sure he didn't have the right of way. So I kept very quiet, and looked away while he was rudely standing not two inches away from me, and making his payments before I was even through.

Now, my point is this. The counter lady, having seen my number since I'd handed it to her, should have asked the gent for his so she could serve whomever was there first. If my number was after his, I would have gracefully backed away. As it is, because of his aggressive attitude, she automatically responded to his questions, and completed his transaction without once checking if I minded.

As for me, what can I say? It's my own fault for not standing up for myself, but I recalled another incident when I was paying my phone bill. I was one of the first in line, and had stepped up to the counter without jumping the queue. However, because I needed one of the details on my bill verified, I was told by the counter clerk to hop to another counter, and that I wouldn't need to queue up again. All I had to do was return with my revised bill, and she would serve me.

Taking her at her word, I dashed to the other counter which was BEHIND the queue waiting to pay their bills, and skipped back in less than a minute. Being polite, I waited for the clerk to complete the current customer's transaction before stepping up to the counter. Respecting personal space and all that.

An old gent waiting his turn in the line, immediately took offense that I'd obviously put the jump on the crowd, almost muscled me aside with a horrible glower on his face, and told me off for being rude, and forced the clerk to attend him instead. I was so offended, and I said: "Excuse me, but I -was- here earlier, and I did NOT jump the queue", whereupon he gave me such a rude response I won't repeat it here.

I remember being so pissed off, I was shaking. Not because the gent was rude, because he'd misunderstood the situation. But because the clerk did not speak up for what was right.

And again, I find myself getting angry that our customer service clerks and officers have absolutely NO CONCEPT of taking turns.

And the Indian gent at the bank? When he left, he'd also left his number on the counter surface. I got a look at it. His was 1150. Mine was 1149. Now, if our clerks had any sense of right and wrong, I wouldn't have had my day spoiled by customers misunderstanding the situation.

What do YOU think?

~Aari

Summary...

I haven't posted anything in yonks.

Plenty of reasons for that, but mainly just being too caught up in RL, that I didn't have the mood, time, nor inclination to recap my days as they progressed.

Hubby just left. Two whole days earlier than he planned to, I might add. But work called him back (yes, I'm very sure it's work), and I feel cheated out of precious time. Time we've had only in spurts to mend what's been damaged between us. It being the Chinese New Year holidays, he had to come home out of obligation, but I think we've managed to take positive steps towards reconciliation and reunion.

I'm glad. More glad than I can say, that I chose to love and forgive, rather than extract my pound of flesh (that many believe I richly deserved to claim). It's been an absolutely tumultuous few months. No, scrap that. Year and change. My, how time flies when you're miserable and emotionally churned up.

I don't know if I'm jumping the gun by saying we've managed to work things out. I daren't build up my hopes, just in case he has another change of heart. But I will say that I conducted myself well, and chose not to let anger over-rule all my other feelings. That's my own little personal triumph, and even if things go south again (please God, don't let it though!!!), I know that I did my best, and did nothing to be ashamed of.

So, friends who might stop by here for a quick read, I just want to say: I think my marriage is A-Okay. For now. And that I'm sorry if my whinging and constant emotional outbursts might have ticked any of you off. All I can say is, I was provoked!! :)

And The Reason Is?

I told Nige that I was going to do this in a couple of days time, but I guess, since I'm here, I'd do it now.

"This" refers to the fact that I've deleted two posts from my blog. Both were on the state of my marriage, and for those who've already read it, then fine. You know, I know, lets just leave it there.

If you're out of touch, too bad. It's deleted, not even a copy saved on my HD. But yeah, I'm going to leave it where it is now (out of sight) and that's that. Don't ask me anything, don't ask me to explain anymore. Now is the time for me to move on and plan for my future.

That is all.